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Exercise for seniors…

Just came across this exercise suggested for seniors, to build muscle-strength in the arms and shoulders. It seems so easy, so I thought I’d pass it on to some of my younger friends. The article suggested doing it three days a week.

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side.

With a 5-lb. potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides, and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, then relax.

Each day, you’ll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.

After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb. potato sacks.

Then 50-lb. potato sacks, and eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb. potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.

After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each of the sacks; but be careful.

Reasons Dogs Don’t Use Computers

20. Can’t stick their heads out of Windows ‘95.

19. Fetch command not available on all platforms.

18. Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to one side.

17. Too difficult to “mark” every website they visit.

16. Can’t help attacking the screen when they hear “You’ve Got Mail.”

15. Fire hydrant icon simply frustrating.

14. Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway they’re browsing http://www.pethouse.com instead of working.

13. Keep bruising noses trying to catch that MPEG frisbee.

12. Not at all fooled by Chuckwagon Screen Saver.

11. Still trying to come up with an “emoticon” that signifies tail-wagging.

10. Oh, but they WILL… with the introduction of the Microsoft Opposable Thumb.

9. Three words: Carpal Paw Syndrome

8. ‘Cause dogs ain’t GEEKS! Now, cats, on the other hand…

7. Barking in next cube keeps activating YOUR voice recognition software.

6. SmellU-SmellMe still in beta test.

5. SIT and STAY were hard enough, GREP and AWK are out of the question!

4. Saliva-coated mouse gets mighty difficult to manuever.

3. Annoyed by lack of newsgroup, alt.pictures.master’s.leg.

2. Butt-sniffing more direct and less deceiving than online chat rooms.

and the Number 1 Reason Dogs Don’t Use Computers…

1. TrO{gO DsA[M,bN HyAqR4tDc TgrOo TgYPmE WeIjTyH P;AzWqS,. *

If University Students Wrote the Bible :

* The Last Supper would have been eaten the next morning - cold.

* The Ten Commandments would actually be only five; double spaced and written in large font.

* A new edition would be published every two years in order to limit reselling.

* Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn’t cafeteria food.

* Paul’s letter to the Romans would become Paul’s E-mail to (JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address).

* Reason Cain killed Abel ......  they were room-mates.

* Reason why Moses and followers walked the desert for 40 years ..........  they didn’t want to ask directions and look like freshmen.

* Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, he would have put it off until the night before it was due ....... and then pulled an all-nighter.

Questions of Logic :

Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as “4’s” ?

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular ?

When someone asks you, “A penny for your thoughts,” and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny ?

Why do croutons come in airtight packages ? After all, it’s just stale bread to begin with.

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car is not called a racist ?

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled ?

Some Melbourne Storm jokes (sorry to any Storm supporters in advance!):

- For sale: Complete Melbourne Storm supporters’ outfit.  Includes jersey, shorts, flag, bag, socks, and scarf.  Just missing the cap.

- It was cold in Melbourne last week.  Minus 8 and won’t get above zero all year.

- What has 34 legs but can’t climb a ladder?  The Melbourne Storm.

Hey Arthur,

Did you know that there are now three NRL teams named after big cats :

First there were West Tigers and the Penrith Panthers - and now we also have the Melbourne Cheaters ;)

Ouch!

Things Mother Taught Me :

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
“If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
“You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
“If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”

4 My mother taught me LOGIC.
“Because I said so, that’s why.”

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
“If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.”

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
“Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
“Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.”

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
“Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
“Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
“You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
“This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
“If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!”

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
“I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.”

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
“Stop acting like your father!”

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
“There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
“Just wait until we get home.”

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
“You are going to get it when you get home!”

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
“If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.”

19. My mother taught me ESP.
“Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?”

20. My mother taught me HUMOUR.
“When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
“If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
“You’re just like your father.”

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
“Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?”

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
“When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.”

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
“One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!”

( Not a new one, but still raising a chuckle )

Two mischievious little boys :
 
Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew all about it.  If any mischief occurred in their town, the two boys were probably involved.

The boys’ mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys.
   
The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually. So the mother sent the 8 year old first, in the morning, and the older boy was to see the preacher in the afternoon.
   
The preacher, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, ‘Do you know where God is, son ?’

The boy’s mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open. So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, ‘Where is God ?’
   
Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy’s face and bellowed, ‘Where is God ?’

The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closest, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, ‘What happened ?’

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, ’ We are in BIG trouble this time, GOD is missing, and they think we did it ! ‘

There are two threads this joke could go on. (I dont know if this joke has already appeared, sorry if it has?)

Q. Which animal on Noah’s Ark had the highest level of intelligence?
A. The giraffe.

Q. Why did Noah have to punish and discipline the chickens on the Ark?
A. Because they were using “fowl” language.

Q. On the Ark, Noah probably got milk from the cows. What did he get from the ducks?
A. Quackers.

Q. When was the first meat mentioned in the Bible?
A. When Noah took Ham into the ark.

Q: Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A: Noah - he was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

Q: What kind of lights were on the ark?
A: Floodlights.

Q: Did all the animals on the ark come in pairs?
A: No the worms came in apples.

Q: Why didn’t Noah go fishing?
A: He only had two worms!

Q: How do we know that they played cards in the ark?
A: Because Noah sat on the deck.

Q: What animal could Noah not trust?
A: The Cheetah.

Q: What money did Noah carry into the ark?
A: Bucks and doe.

Q: Why were the horses aboard the ark Pessimistic?
A: They were always saying neigh.

Alice: Grandma, were you on Noah’s ark?
Grandma: No.
Alice: then how did you survive the flood?

Life’s Crazy Rules

* Lerman’s Law of Technology: Any technical problem can be overcome given enough time and money. Corollary: You are never given enough time or money.

* Murphy’s First Law for Wives: If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then you add one more as an afterthought, he will forget two of the first five.

* Law of the Search: The first place to look for anything is the last place you would expect to find it. Corollary: It will not be in the last place you expect to find it.

* Kauffman’s Paradox of the Corporation: The less important you are to the corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed.

* The Salary Axiom: The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay.

* Miller’s Law of Insurance: Insurance covers everything except what happens.

* First Law of Living: As soon as you start doing what you always wanted to be doing, you’ll want to be doing something else.

* Weiner’s Law of Libraries: There are no answers, only cross-references.

* Isaac’s Strange Rule of Staleness: Any food that starts out hard will soften when stale. Any food that starts out soft will harden when stale.

* Kenny’s Law of Auto Repair: The part requiring the most consistent repair or replacement will be housed in the most inaccessible location.

* Second Law of Business Meetings: If there are two possible ways to spell a person’s name, you will pick the wrong one. Corollary - If there is only one way to spell a name, you will spell it wrong anyway.

* The Grocery Bag Law: The candy bar you planned to eat on the way home from the market is hidden at the bottom of the grocery bag.

* Yeager’s Law: Washing machines break down only during the wash cycle. Corollary: All breakdowns occur on the plumber’s day off.

* Lampner’s Law of Employment: When leaving work late, you will go unnoticed. When you leave work early, you will meet the boss in the parking lot.

* Quile’s Consultation Law: The job that pays the most will be offered when there is no time to deliver the services.

Things to Ponder :

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

Life is sexually transmitted

An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who is the fool who said, “Quit while you’re ahead?”

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks.

Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you still can’t help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?

In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

AND THE # 1 THOUGHT FOR THE DAY :
You read about all these terrorists—- most of them came here legally, but they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10 -15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster; you are two days late with a video and those people are all over you. Let’s put Blockbuster in charge of immigration…

Random Thoughts from a Woman :

1) Reason to smile: Every 7 minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.

2) Women over 50 don’t have babies because they would put them down and forget where they left them.

3) One of life’s mysteries is how a Kilo box of candy can make a woman gain 2.5 kilos.

4) My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.

5) The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.

6) The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don’t know what you’re doing, someone else does.

7) The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.

8) Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.

9) Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.

10) I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire.

11) Amazing ! You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks two sizes !

12) Skinny people irritate me ! Especially when they say things like, “You know sometimes I just forget to eat,” Now I’ve forgotten my address, my mother’s maiden name, and my keys. But I’ve never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat.

13) A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth control pills. She ended up with 14 kids, but she doesn’t really care.

14) They keep telling us to get in touch with our bodies. Mine isn’t all that communicative but I heard from it the other day after I said, “Body, how’d you like to go to the six o’clock class in vigorous toning?” Clear as a bell my body said, “Listen witch ... do it and die.”

15) The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing ( and then they marry him. )

16) I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding ? That is my idea of a perfect day.

17) I know what “Victoria’s Secret” is. The secret is that nobody older than 30 can fit into their stuff.

18) If men can run the world, why can’t they stop wearing neckties ? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck ?

Hot Air Balloon

A man flying in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. Reducing altitude, he spotted a man on the ground and descended to shouting range.

“Excuse me,” he shouted. “Can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him a half hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”

The man below responded: “Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 10 metres above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees North Latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees West Longitude.”

“You must be an engineer or scientist,” responded the balloonist.

“I am,” the man replied. “How did you know?”

“Well,” said the balloonist, “everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost.”

Whereupon the man on the ground responded, “You must be a politician.”

“That I am” replied the balloonist, “but how did you know?”

“Well,” said the man, “you don’t know where you are, or where you’re going. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in the exact same position you were before we met, but now it is somehow my fault.”

The Good Old Days

Grandpa and Grandma were sitting in their porch rockers watching the beautiful sunset and reminiscing about “the good old days,” when Grandma turned to Grandpa and said, “Honey, do you remember when we first started dating and you used to just casually reach over and take my hand?”

Grandpa looked over at her, smiled and obligingly took her aged hand in his.

With a wry little smile, Grandma pressed a little farther, “Honey, do you remember how after we were engaged, you’d sometimes lean over and suddenly kiss me on the cheek?”

Grandpa leaned slowly toward Grandma and gave her a lingering kiss on her wrinkled cheek.

Growing bolder still, Grandma said, “Honey, do you remember how, after we were first married, you’d kind of nibble on my ear?”

Grandpa slowly got up from his rocker and headed into the house. Alarmed, Grandma said, “Honey, where are you going?”

Grandpa replied, “To get my teeth!”

Lessons from Noah’s Ark

Plan ahead… It wasn’t raining when Noah built the ark.

Stay fit. When you’re 600 years old, someone might ask you to do something REALLY big.

Don’t listen to critics- do what has to be done.

Build on high ground.

For safety’s sake, travel in pairs.

Two heads are better than one.

Speed isn’t always an advantage. The cheetahs were on board but… so were the snails.

If you can’t fight or flee—-float!!

Take care of your animals as if they were the last ones on Earth.

Don’t forget that we’re all in the same boat.

When things get really deep, don’t sit there and complain—shovel!!!

Stay below deck during the storm.

Remember that the ark was built by amateurs and the Titanic was built by professionals.

If you have to start over, have a friend by your side.

Remember that the woodpeckers INSIDE are often a bigger threat than the storm outside.

Don’t miss the boat.

No matter how bleak it looks, there’s always a rainbow on the horizon.

Lone Ranger

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.

Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, “Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?”

The Lone Ranger replies, “I see millions of stars.”

“What that tell you?” asked Tonto.

The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, “Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning.

Theologically, it’s evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.

Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What’s it tell you, Tonto?”

Tonto is silent for a moment, then he says, “Kemo Sabe, you dumber than buffalo dung. Someone has stolen tent.”

Ponderings

- “I am” is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that “I do” is the longest sentence?

- If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, and drycleaners depressed?

- Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as “4’s”?

- Why is it that if someone tells you that there are one billion stars in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?

- If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

- If people from Poland are called “Poles,” why aren’t people from Holland called “Holes?”

- Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.

- If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

- Just think how much deeper the ocean would be if sponges didn’t live there.

- If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

Things to do at Big W or Target :   ...while your spouse/partner is taking their sweet time

—Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

—Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,‘Code 3’ in house wares ..... and see what happens.

—Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M and M’s on lay-by.

—Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you’ll invite them in if they’ll bring pillows from the bedding department.

—When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’

—Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the “Mission Impossible” theme.

—In the auto department, practice your “Madonna look” using different size funnels.

—Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say “PICK ME!”

—When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream “NO! NO! It’s those voices again !!!!”

Welfare Applications

For those unfamiliar, Welfare payments are made in the U.S. to individuals and families with income below a certain level. The following quotations are taken from actual letters received by the Welfare Department in applications for support of receiving payments.

- I am forwarding my marriage certificate and 6 children. I had seven but one died which was baptized on a half sheet of paper.

- I am writing the welfare department to say that my baby was born two years old. When do I get my money?

- Mrs. Jones has not had any clothes for two years and has been visited regularly by the clergy.

- I cannot get sick pay. I have six children can you tell me why?

- I am glad to report that my husband who is missing is dead.

- This is my eighth child. What are you going to do about it.

- Please find for if my husband is dead. The man I am now living with can’t do anything until he knows.

- I am very much annoyed to find out that you have branded my son illiterate. This is a dirty lie as I was married a week before he was born.

- In answer to your letter, I have given birth to a son weighing 10 lbs. I hope this is satisfactory.

- I am forwarding my marriage certificate and my 3 children one of which is a mistake as you can see.

- My husband got his project cut off about two weeks ago and I haven’t had any relief since.

- Unless I get my husband’s money pretty soon, I will be forced to lead an immortal life.

- You have my changed little boy to a girl, will this make any difference?

- I have no children yet, as my husband is a truck driver and works night and day.

- I want money as quick as I can get it. I have been in bed with the doctor for two weeks and he doesn’t do me any good. If things don’t improve, I will have to send for another doctor.

- In accordance with your instructions, I have given birth to twins in the enclosed envelope.

Deep Thoughts For Those Who Take Life Way Too Seriously

- Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

- A day without sunshine is like…night.

- On the other hand, you have different fingers

- 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

- 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

- Remember, half the people you know are below average.

- He who laughs last thinks slowest.

- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

- The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

- Support bacteria. They’re the only culture some people have.

- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

- Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

- If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

- How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis ? Raise my hand.

Wedding Plans :

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Florida, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a large chemist. Jacob suggests they go in.

Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: “Are you the owner?”

The pharmacist answers, “Yes.”

Jacob: “We’re about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?”

Pharmacist: “Of course we do.”

Jacob: “How about medicine for circulation?”

Pharmacist: “All kinds.”

Jacob: “Medicine for rheumatism and scoliosis?”

Pharmacist: “Definitely.”

Jacob: “How about Viagra?”

Pharmacist: “Of course.”

Jacob: “Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?”

Pharmacist: “Yes, a large variety. The works.”

Jacob: “What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson’s disease?”

Pharmacist: “Absolutely.”

Jacob: “You sell wheelchairs and walkers?”

Pharmacist: “All speeds and sizes.”

Jacob: “In that case, we would like to use this store as our Bridal Registry.”

Well, we all know the Roman Catholics don’t recognize Constantinople and the Lutherans don’t recognize the Pope as the vicar of Christ, but did you know that Baptists don’t recognize each other in liquor stores.

And the main difference between Lutherans and Baptists is that the Lutheran will at least say “Hello” to the Presbyterian in the liquor store ;)

Zen…

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either; just Get Out Of The Way and leave me alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.

3. It’s always darkest before dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbour’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.

4. Don’t be irreplaceable; if you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.

5. No one is listening until you make a mistake.

6. Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.

7. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

8. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

9. It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.

10. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

Life Without Email…

An unemployed man goes to apply for a job with Microsoft as a janitor. The manager there arranges for him to take an aptitude test ( Section: Floors, sweeping and cleaning ).

After the test, the manager says, “You will be employed at minimum wage, $5.15 an hour. Let me have your e-mail address, so that I can send you a form to complete and tell you where to report for work on your first day.”

Taken aback, the man protests that he has neither a computer nor an e-mail address. To this the Microsoft manager replies, “Well then, that means that you virtually don’t exist and can therefore hardly expect to be employed.”

Stunned, the man leaves. Not knowing where to turn and having only $10 in his wallet, he decides to buy a 15kg box of tomatoes at the supermarket.

Within less than 2 hours, he sells all the tomatoes individually at 100% profit. Repeating the process several times more that day,he ends up with almost $100 before going to sleep that night.

And thus it dawns on him that he could quite easily make a living selling tomatoes. Getting up early every day and going to bed late, he multiplies his profits quickly.

After a short time he acquires a cart to transport several dozen boxes of tomatoes, only to have to trade it in again so that he can buy a pickup truck to support his expanding business. By the end of the second year, he is the owner of a fleet of pickup trucks and manages a staff of a hundred former unemployed people, all selling tomatoes.

Planning for the future of his wife and children, he decides to buy some life insurance. Consulting with an insurance adviser, he picks an insurance plan to fit his new circumstances. At the end of the telephone conversation, the adviser asks him for his e-mail address in order to send the final documents electronically.

When the man replies that he has no e-mail, the adviser is stunned, “What! You don’t have e-mail? How on earth have you managed to amass such wealth without the Internet, e-mail and e-commerce? Just imagine where you would be now, if only you had been connected to the Internet from the very start!”

After a moment of thought, the tomato millionaire replied, “Why, of course ! I would be a floor cleaner at Microsoft !”