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Is it just me or do almost all Christians struggle with a perpetual sense of guilt, sometimes to the point of psychological harm/dysfunction?

I was chatting with a friend about this the other day - it sometimes manifests itself in a fairly benign but persistent sense of never wanting to let anyone down ever, which means you can’t say no to things and get burnt out etc. Say no to something? Feel guilty. You *should* have gone to/helped out with whatever, and even if you didn’t have to, you probably *could* have gone, right?

My friend noticed this when a non-Christian pointed out how they always seem to feel guilty about things and said “It’s because you’re a Christian, isn’t it!” which was pretty much true!

In other cases I’ve seen guilt do a lot of damage to people I think, it becomes so ingrained in their thinking that it’s almost like there’s the constant guilty voice on their shoulder commenting on everything they say or do.

On the other hand, without that sense of guilt maybe they wouldn’t be the person they are (in the various cases), but it’s a pretty big trade off.

In part I think it’s caused by the impossibly high bar we set ourselves sometimes - take captive every thought etc. When you’re (a) analyzing every single thing you think and (b) judging yourself for a lot of it, it can create very unhealthy thinking patterns and considerable psychological distress I think.

Sometimes I get a sense that people wear this with a sense of pride in their pursuit of holiness, but really, haven’t we been freed of all this?

Isn’t the point of Christianity that while yes we are sinful people and we need to work on that over our lifetimes, at the end of the day are we not still saved?

If that’s the case, why does guilt seem to plague so many people?

For mature Christians especially - it’s that gap between ‘now and not yet’ if I can put it that way - we’re saved but we have a long wait until salvation, so we fill the time by trying to be more holy/less sinful, which ends up looking a lot like being saved by what you do, driven by a great deal of guilt that we criticise catholics for.

So have you noticed guilt being a big part of your own life/thinking or in the people around you?

Luke Stevens - 23 January 2009 11:54 AM

Is it just me or do almost all Christians struggle with a perpetual sense of guilt, sometimes to the point of psychological harm/dysfunction?

Hi Luke. While I’m sure many Christians struggle with guilt, I sure hope it’s not “almost all” of us!

I was chatting with a friend about this the other day - it sometimes manifests itself in a fairly benign but persistent sense of never wanting to let anyone down ever, which means you can’t say no to things and get burnt out etc. Say no to something? Feel guilty.

I think most of us (Christian or otherwise) want to help others when we can. However, we don’t need to feel guilty when say no, but it does require a sense of boundaries - ie an understanding of our limitations and our own priorities. We aren’t messiahs, and even Jesus needed time out for prayer and time away from the pressing crowds (Luke 5:15-16). In fact, prayer is probably the best defense against feeling guilty in this regard, because it’s through prayer that we have the clearest idea of what God wants us to do, and how to spend our time and money and other resources.

This doesn’t mean we don’t need some flexibility when an unexpected need arises, but it does allow us to stop and ask ourselves - do I have the resources to help, and if so have I counted the cost? Our own need for R&R is very important too. Is someone else better suited to helping?

If that’s the case, why does guilt seem to plague so many people?

I’m not sure I know the answer to that. Perhaps it’s because we don’t properly understand that God has accepted us as we are, even though he’s busy changing us through the Holy Spirit.

Hi Angus.
I think the problem goes deeper then knowing that God has accepted us as we are and that is too simplistic an answer.

The feelings of guilt are real, the question to ask is where is the cause of them coming from. Scripture tells us that satan is like a roaring lion wanting to devour us and that satan will fire fiery darts our way that we are to quench.

Sometimes guilt arises out of situations we are in, have been in, or going through that we don’t handle very well.
I have struggled in this area the last 12 months…I have been in the depths of depression which isn’t a pretty sight.
Sometimes I think we need to face ourselves, or as God said to Job, “Brace yourself like a man and answer me..” 
The areas I felt guilt over the last 12 months were and still are or working through

*Not being able to work and provide for my family.
*Not being able to cope well in areas of conflict and had to withdraw into myself.
*Not being able to contribute much in service at church.
*Not having the energy to be there for my family in playing, outings etc.
*Not wanting to go to church.
*Not having the ability or inclination to read my Bible and pray like I once did before.
*Not knowing who I am anymore.
*Discovering that there are parts of me I don’t like.
*Knowing there are unresolved issues of the past.
*Not wanting to mingle with people like I did before.
*Having to receive and not be as generous as I once was.
*Disappointing people who are praying for me that I"m not 100% healed as yet.
*Having to tell people that the doctors still don’t know 100% what is wrong with me.
*Hating people, church, friends when they tell me I look so good when I feel like total shit and am struggling to even walk.
*Being angry with myself, others and even God.
*For being depressed and not being able to snap out of it.
*For the times my body fails me and my right leg wont move and freezes to the floor and I have to deal with the embarrassment of both myself and others around me..

etc etc.
But you know, I know absolutely 100% and believe it 100% that Christ has nailed my guilt to the cross…but that doesn’t stop me from feeling guilty.

But each day I pray psalm 18… I love the Lord my Strength, my rock, my fortress and my deliverer…and psalm 40 I waited patiently for the Lord, and He inclined his ear to me and heard my cry…He also brought me up out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon the rock…and established my steps…

And when I feel like crap…I quote those verses, reminding myself that God indeed has, is and will continue to save me…etc.

But it still doesn’t make the feelings of guilt go away…I’m faced with a choice though…which I will place my trust in…my feelings or God?

Craig Bennett - 23 January 2009 08:55 PM

Hi Angus.
I think the problem goes deeper then knowing that God has accepted us as we are and that is too simplistic an answer.

Hi Craig. Yes, the nature of forums like these is that it’s not really feasible to give anything more than a simplistic answer.

I’ve gathered from your posts here and on SydAng that over the last 12 months or so you’ve been through a profoundly difficult time physically, emotionally and financially - and it continues! You have my deepest sympathies and prayers, and I do apologise if my responses here seem glib or simplistic or somewhat naive to genuine suffering. (I have my own burdens with chronic health issues but I’m sure they’re not in your league.)

Hi Angus.

I wasn’t taking any offense to what you said.

The point of my post was to say that there are many reasons for people to FEEL guilty…and its OK to validate those feelings and to own those feelings.

I think there are many valid reasons why people feel guilt. But many people try and ignore those feelings, try and hide them or hide from them. Perhaps frightened to explore them and find out where they come from, why they are there and deal with the root cause…I do say perhaps.

While your health issues may or may not be similar to mine, I’m sure they have caused you difficulty and I’m sorry to hear of them. I’m also sure that they have caused you to think through issues of life also…having had to deal with many varied emotions…

So to answer Luke’s question. I think many people carry guilt / condemnation for many reasons and are frightened of talking to others about it…for various other reasons.

I think many Christians feel guilt because for many the whole thing centres around guilt.
eg; we are all fallen, we all sin, we need to repent to get right with God, we have no capacity to get right in ourselves, we are called to be holy as He is holy but we are depraved/ fallen etc.
The messages are constant and many.
and
being human we focus on the ugly side of things.
So, if a Christian is unhealthily focussed on guilt then this can hardly be a surprise, so much of what we believe is built on guilt. As an emotion guilt is supposed to be a way of telling us what we shouldn’t do again. But as Christians are we ot continually finding fault with ourselves, even in places where others should find only the benign?