mightychurch.com

Hi all,

This year I’m doing MTS and one of my pet projects is to come up with a framework for thinking about dating for young (ie 16 yrs and younger) Christians. Our society’s approach to dating, in my view, is really unhelpful for Christians. Most Christians have carried the same OTT approach to marriage that our society has, which results in people waiting longer to get married and often dating a number of people for varying lengths of time in the meantime. I reckon this has some pretty serious implications, particularly in the area of sexual purity.

Now some books I have seen have give Christians a helpful push towards marriage as a solution, however, this only works if you are old enough to get married. Many younger Christians are caught up in a culture of dating way before they are old enough to get married and I’m yet to see any books looking at this subject.

Thus I come to the accumulated wisdom of the mightchurch.com forums to ask you for suggestions for books on dating. I’ve already got ‘I Kissed Dating Goodbye’ by Joshua Harris.

Try this site for “The Five Best Christian Dating Books” :

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1863501/the_five_best_christian_dating_books.html?cat=38

The 5th title in the list has this description :

The description of “Waiting and Dating”  tells potential readers “DON’T KISS DATING GOODBYE!”  It’s a direct challenge to one of the other popular Christian dating books that has encouraged some young Christians—perhaps erroneously—to swear off dating.

Haven’t read any of them - no longer my demographic ;)  - but it’s a start. Also, just google “books on christian dating” for more inspiration. Cheers.

Try ‘Man In The Mirror’ or ‘For Men Only’ for men, and ‘For Young Women Only’ for women.

Lee
I have recently come across an American organisation called Pure Love Club.  They produce material for teenagers.  Jason Everett’s book “Romance without Regret” is highly recommended and addresses the issue of dating too young.  He and his wife, Crystallina, have produced some booklets called “Pure Love”, “Pure Womanhood” and “Pure Manhood”.  They are fantastic.  The message is a positive one about purity and why we should keep sex for marriage.  I have found these very helpful.  Something a bit more secular that is worth reading is “The Sexualisation of Girls”.  I have given this to someone so can’t help on publisher.
Emily May

I have heard that book on the sexualisation of girls - its called Getting Real by Melanie Tankard Reist. I’m keen to get it.

Lee
That’s the one.  I think you will find this very helpful in your research project

Does anyone have ideas on the wisdom of Christians dating Catholics?

Would it ever work out if the Catholic person refused to accept biblical concepts, and go to the same congregation willingly?

I have been wondering if a Christian should simply forget about a relationship with a Catholic on those grounds.

Are there any books on the subject that someone recommends?  (I ask on the basis that there are many Catholic women looking for dates, and not many suitable, available Christian women out there.)

Catholic women- Christian women ? I think it’s a sisterhood that never been published.

Ken, missionary dating is always dangerous. But you could ask a female Christian friend to evangelise them first for you.

Does anyone have ideas on the wisdom of Christians dating Catholics?

Ken, 

Is this the sort of “dating” you meant ?

CARBON-DATING RELIGIOUS MYTHS :  http://www.indian-skeptic.org/html/is_v03/3-2-1.htm

I know some single catholic ladies are a bit older, but this carbon dating method does seem extreme ;)  Perhaps doctrinal enlightenment might prove more effective.

On a more serious note, I see that Sydney Anglicans has started this one today :

Talking with Catholics about God: Invite…

http://www.sydneyanglicans.net/life/behind/talking_with_catholics_about_god_invite/

Maybe a way to meet - and evangelise - at the same time, Ken.

I guess by what has been said, that Catholics and Christians (biblically based that is) are miles apart, and it seems that it is the ‘Catholic culture’ that prevents Catholics even listening to what the bible says about Jesus and how a Church should operate.

“The quote from the link by Kevin, by a Catholic woman,  seems to say that this is the case:

I think what would be off putting for a Catholic is not as you say titles like “Christianity Explored” but the intimidating and patronising way in which anti-Catholics approach unsuspecting Catholics. I know first-hand the methods used. The very fact that you and others see Catholics as not even Christian can understandably put Catholics in defensive mode. I’m more than happy to talk with you about Jesus, but not on your terms. An open and honest dialogue where both parties are willing to learn from each other is the most fruitful. ”

I thought Jesus says exactly who he is, and doesnt need anyone to explain him on their own terms. What Jesus says about himself is very clear, not ambiguous.

But would it be good to go out with a Catholic if one is a bible based Christian? I guess a Catholic woman who is a non church attender, may be more likely to go to a bible based church, if the invitation is handled in a non threatening way.

The problem may be for that woman to go to church and listen with an open mind, and to be prepared to see that the bible is very clear on matters that she may be ignorant due to her prior Catholic education.

But I fear that a long term romantic relationship is problematical if both parties are not unified by the gospel, and are unable to forget about sectarian issues.

Actually Ken, the only thing that link says is that there are Protestants who talk to catholics in an intimidating and patronising way.
You know, talk to and about them as if they are lesser beings, tell them that they are wrong, not Christian, don’t kow Jesus, don’t hear the Gospel… you know, the kind of stuff you always put in your posts about them.

My son is going out with a Catholic girl. I totally approve. He goes to a Baptist church but has been going to Mass as well (he is there right now) . I am delighted, that among other things, he has ditched the narrow mindedness that he was previously displaying. Not only in regards to Catholics, but also in regards to the Holy Land (ie; all the Arabs should just leave) and on Creationism (he was becoming avidly YECS).

If the difference between a couple, at their core beliefs is unresolvably vast, then there is a real reason to call the relationship off. But to assume, that the other is a Catholic, Orthodox or whatever, and not even go there is less about discretion and more about prejudice to my mind. You have absolutely no idea what a person believes until you get to know them. When people divide us into groups by our affiliation (this church, that race, this club, that part of town) then we are being divided at the most superficial level. I can guarantee you that if you really quizzed people in your own church (if you could do so without them feeling threatened or being inspected) then you will be shocked at what it is that they really believe.
In counselling work I found this to be true over and over again. A member, even Elder of a church who you are sure is straight down the line, has astonishing takes on doctrine, the Gospel, on God. But that won’t come out unless you have their trust and get to know them. Ken’s post is based on the presupposition that all members of a group are uniform or close to it. I doubt that to be true. It isn’t true of Catholics (many of them locally attend bible studies with other churches- esp. Anglicans- and we are in a Sydney type diocese), many others attend bible study at their own church. (yes Ken, they actually study the Bible)

Hi Ken,
 
If I could be permitted to make a comment here, it is my experience from observation that where a couple are not one in spirit, it causes sadness and obstacles to Christian growth.  I have this perspective in most part from listening to women, but I would guess that it is not completely different for men.
 
As for persuading a Catholic to a Bible point of view, I think it has been correctly identified as very difficult.  Even when they read the Bible they are likely to continue to do so through Catholic lenses.  (I have some catholic women in my Bible study group this year, and they seem to have a take on reading scripture that I find hard to fathom.)
 
A third point, and you may not consider this relevant, is this causes difficulties for any children of a protestant/catholic union.  I remember a case where the children were deliberately kept out of school scripture because the catholic parent refused to allow them into protestant scripture and vice versa.
 
Ros.

I think I agree with you Ros. It is difficult for the two parties to meet on the basis of what the Gospel actually says as it relates to the rest of scripture. Catholics are simply not taught that concept in the whole.

Being saved by faith is the problem. Catholics mostly seem to look to the Catholic teachings and authority and put their faith in that beaucracy instead of the words of scripture, which come from God.

I have personal experience in my family of failed mixed marriages, which put the whole family group under pressure. Especially where one of the parties goes one of the churches regularly.

But, my original question, is there a good Christian book on the matter to advise young people?