mightychurch.com

I’ve been thinking about narcissism lately, particularly after reading posts like this: The Last Psychiatrist - Can Narcissism Be Cured? (Lots of bald assertions, lots wrong, but lots right - thought provoking stuff).

Taking away slightly from The Last Psychiatrist’s description, we do live in an individualistic culture where narcissism is par for the course, blah blah blah, we all know.

What I find weird in Christian circles is kind of an opposite-but-equal narcissism that says “Oh I’m such a terrible person” repeatedly, and that’s it.

It’s weird because it’s still self-obsessed, and the proportion of mental cycles it occupies is probably much the same for someone thinking how great they are.

However it’s not about how great or terrible you are, it’s really about how important you are to you. Which is still incredibly narcissistic.

This is all greatly encouraged from the pulpit - it’s one half how much God cares about you, and how terrible you are. But it’s all about you. Why, because that’s what the minister is thinking about. (I think some ministers become hyper-narcissistic in this way, which must be crippling).

It can manifest in the prosperity gospel where God is so interested in you he will bend space and time so you can make some money or win your sporting event or live a little longer.

And it can manifest itself in evangelical populations where people are either paralyzed by their own sense of their sinfulness that they can’t see the forest for the trees.

The answer to which, in my mind, is simply that you don’t matter nearly as much as you think you do.

You’re experience is not exceptional, your pain or angst may be significant but you’re not the first person to feel it, and there’s 6.5 billion other people on the planet so, you know, get some perspective.

As an aisde: To some extent I think ‘Christian counseling’ perpetuates this - I suspect a lot (though certainly not all) isn’t therapy so much as it is tacit reinforcing of this kind of narcissism that only serves to do more damage. It’s not like they can say the above. (And let me add a big disclaimer here that counseling/psychology services can be powerful, helpful, and life changing; but it can also create long-term dependency that goes nowhere.)

In the end though, the ironic thing is the sooner you can stop this pre-occupation with yourself, and just really get out of the way of yourself, the happier you become.

The answer to how terrible a person/Christian you are is not narcissistic preoccupation with self, as though the endless navel-gazing will reveal some great truth that will Make It All Better, it’s just to, well, stop being so darn narcissistic.

/rant :)

Luke Stevens - 15 May 2009 01:14 PM

The answer to how terrible a person/Christian you are is not narcissistic preoccupation with self, as though the endless navel-gazing will reveal some great truth that will Make It All Better, it’s just to, well, stop being so darn narcissistic.

This reminds me of something on Scot McKnight’s blog a few days ago:

Many readers of the Bible read the whole Bible through the lens of the gospel they believe and this is what that gospel looks like:

  God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life.
  But you have a sin problem that separates you from God.
  The good news is that Jesus came to die for your sins.
  If you accept Jesus’ death, you can be reconnected to God.
  Those who are reconnected to God will live in heaven with God.

Every line of that statement is more or less true. It is the sequencing of those lines, the “story” of that gospel if you will, that concerns me and that turns Jesus’ message of the kingdom into a blue parakeet. And it is not only the sequencing, it is the omitting of major themes in the Bible that concerns me. What most shocks the one who reads the Bible as Story, where the focus is overwhelmingly on God forming a covenant community, is that this outline of the gospel above does two things: it eliminates community and it turns the entire gospel into a “me and God” or “God and me” gospel. Who needs a church if this is the gospel? (Answer: no one.) What becomes of the church for this gospel? (Answer: an organization for those who want to do that sort of thing.) While every line in this gospel is more or less true, what concerns many of us today is that this gospel makes the church unimportant.

I believe this gospel can deconstruct, is deconstructing, and will deconstruct the church if we don’t change it now. Our churches are filled with Christians who don’t give a rip about church life and we have a young generation who, in some cases, care so much about the Church they can’t attend a local church because too many local churches are shaped too much by the gospel I outlined above.

OP: What I find weird in Christian circles is kind of an opposite-but-equal narcissism that says “Oh I’m such a terrible person” repeatedly, and that’s it.

I find that some Christians are like that, but no more than many adolescents influenced by the emo/scene culture.

And obviously Luke, you haven’t been to the happy-clappy charro churches where almost everything is about self-worth!

I thought narcissism was based in self loathing in the first place.
.......and dare I say narcissists often end up homosexual. 
(the homosexual comment is me guessing really .....but I’ll bet there is some truth in it. )

Luke Stevens - 15 May 2009 01:14 PM

However it’s not about how great or terrible you are, it’s really about how important you are to you. Which is still incredibly narcissistic.

This is all greatly encouraged from the pulpit - it’s one half how much God cares about you, and how terrible you are. But it’s all about you.

...

The answer to which, in my mind, is simply that you don’t matter nearly as much as you think you do.

I was thinking about this over the weekend. We always seem to focus on the me aspect of the gospel.

Is it really about being saved so that we can have a relationship with God, or are we redeemed from our sin in order that we can truly worship and glorify God?

Perhaps our focus in evangelism should be calling people to worship and glorify the one true God, rather than to simply rescue them from their problems. This would also negate the individualistic Christianity that seems to be prevalent, as the church as a community of believers is where we would best worship Him.

Yes, perhaps!

I also think this is true of the good intentions churches often have such as “How can we be more loving?” or “How can we be a better community?” and so on.

The question are almost framed around us, how can we be more of this or that, not around a specific problem, such as “What can we do about homelessness?”, which is obviously infinitely harder.

While good intentions are better than bad ones, they’re easy to feed off as though they actually represent something meaningful.

For narcissists, they’re perfect. Asking questions how how you can be a better person, feel better when you come up with some pat answer which makes you seem like a more caring individual, and suddenly you’ve much better off and you’ve not had to do anything for anyone at all.

I was a homeless street kid for years Luke .......you have to fix the cause of these homeless while also making room for them in our society ......as it’s our society that causes the homelessness in the first place.
simple really…...we don’t need more talk as that’s all that ever happens.
Try some action ........I’ve always supported the ‘night patrol’ .....bendigos youth group van that travels the backstreets at night handing out warm drinks and ‘sharps paks’ and generally getting to know the homeless and supporting them in some small ways. I used to do one night a fortnight in my younger days ......health stopped me.
It’s about contact ......not more high brow discussion.
All these words you guys use are a form of this Narcissism we are talking about here hey? ......I notice some seem to use it this way here but may be wrong .......looking down your noses is something zI seem to feel all the time here.
Even when someone arrives who obviously speaks and writes more than one language ......some still manage to get the snide comments in .....that’s what I call ignorant!
Best I be gone I suppose .........I just don’t have the words to express how i feel so it’s a waste of time.